September 11th, 2013
|09:52 pm - Transitions|
Friday marks the beginning of my second life. At least, that's the way I'm treating it.
For 65 years I've been living my first life, and I've done a pretty darn good job of screwing it up. I've been selfish, egotistical at times, far to self-centered, and just generally a pain to most everyone. There are times I think I've actually worked hard to achieve those "goals." Far too hard in fact.
I could list a litany of failures, but honestly what's the point? I know what they are and there's no point inflicting them upon others.
So...I've decided that since 65 is the official "you're old now" age, even though I can't officially be "retired" according to Social Security until I'm 66 (NOTE: That wasn't the "deal" when I first started working back at age 17) I'm going to consider this the milestone regardless.
With that in mind I'm starting my second life. It's sorta like a do-over or a mulligan or whatever. I get to establish a new set of rules and...well...it's almost like Mitt Romney said...I'll shake the Etch-a-sketch and start over. I'm going to be more productive with my time, partly because my second life won't last as long as my first did. My test from a couple days ago show my PSA level has elevated some. It's not necessarily completely wacked out, but given I shouldn't even have a functioning prostate, it should be much closer to zero. Although I haven't yet spoken with the proper doctor, that should mean that some cells, most likely cancerous, escaped the search and destroy mission, and in the long run that's not a positive. On the other hand, this cancer is typically slow growing, so I don't think that means my time is measured in weeks. We shall see.
In any case, I need to be much more productive. I need to spend more time writing...and I mean FOCUSED writing. I need to spend more time in the shop, actually doing something productive. I need to COMPLETE stuff, both writing and in the shop. I need to sit back down at the piano, practice a bunch to restore my minimal keyboard skills, and then compose.
The ToDo list is long, and could easily be longer, and I truly need to attack it. I know I have failed my friends on far too many occasions and that needs to end. I need to sell the crap I have made, which really means I need to market the crap I have made. Having it sitting around in my own gallery does nothing be give the dust a place to land. The room is filled with half-done, half-baked, and incomplete ideas begging for attention...and the list is filled with (what I believe are) great ideas that
yourn yurn yearn to be created.
In short, I simply need to stop wasting the time I have and actually get something done.
Now, I must also admit that doing that is going to be selfish. I should also be doing more for others. I should be contributing something of value to the world rather then simply attempting to humor myself. I've pretty much given up on winning the lottery, although I still play. Should that ever happen I would dump 87.635% into projects/Foundations that do nothing for me. I don't need the money to survive, although a few extra bucks would be handy now and then.
So. Thursday night at midnight local time...since I was born in Portland I will use Pacific time, I'm closing the door on my first life. I'll still carry some scars from that time, and perhaps a few memories, but I need to re-invent myself...and so I shall. Hell, I might even clean the house...although not all in one day.
Since it won't matter in my new life, I think I'll simply mention here that FB continues to suggest that I "friend" Sandra. I know why it's doing that, but I'll keep my side of the promise. Years ago I promised her that I would never invade her space without permission, and although I've been just "across the tracks" from her home many times I've kept that promise...even when it hurt. Should I ever get back to Germany I'll likely be there again...across the tracks...but I won't cross them. Whatever I did will remain unknown because I will never invade. On the other hand, the lock on the bridge will remain in place, because I don't have a key. Only she does, and the last time I was there the lock was still in place. Her choice.
Now, I need to re-write chapter 60 of The Listener...because it sucks. See, I'm trying work on that new life style already.
Bravo! It can be a painful process to realize a big change is needed. Best of luck!
Unfortunately, the future is marred with a problem. On Tuesday, after I returned to having medical coverage, I saw the doctor. The good is that I'll be back on my hypertension meds. The bad news is that my PSA has risen. It's not at the usual danger mark, but given I'm not supposed to have a prostate, it should be darn near zero. Back the specialist, but I'm afraid this spells trouble. We shall see in a couple of weeks I guess.
Hmm, interesting. What can they do for it? A CT scan or something to see what's going on? I agree, that is worrisome :-/ Keep us updated!
At this point I don't know yet. I have an appointment in a couple weeks and I'll likely find out more then. At the risk of assuming I would guess they could do a scan to see if they can find the "growth" but I'm not sure where we go from there. Way back when I was told that surgery was more or less not an option once the treatment I chose was over. The prostate should be all dead scar tissue, and I guess it's hard to work with that and leave anything else functioning. However, I would guess that if a new growth was on the outside of the existing organ it might be possible to go in and cut it out. However, that's all guesswork on my part, so...we'll see.
It's been forever since I've been on LJ! You know we are all in your corner and want you to be your healthy, snarky self, Poobah.